


I Don't Shine If You Don't Shine

by AccidentalAvenger



Series: Read My Mind [1]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Pining, implied depression, mind-reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:33:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccidentalAvenger/pseuds/AccidentalAvenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire is Enjolras' friend in the same way a sinner is a friend of The Lord; distant and desperately hoping that God spares him a thought. As a cynic, R knows that God never does. </p><p>Inspired by this post: http://metaphoricalanchor.tumblr.com/post/89689186407/au-prompt-person-a-is-thinking-sexually-graphic</p><p>(Title from the Killer's song, Read My Mind)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Shine If You Don't Shine

When Grantaire enters the Musain for the first time, he's thinking about his paintings  
He got dragged out to dinner by Joly and Bossuet who were worried that he was surviving a diet on oil paint fumes and vodka (which he totally wasn't). He's kind of pissed off but all that goes out of the window as soon as he sees Enjolras and his mind immediately jumps to Michelangelo sculptures and Greek Gods painted by old masters and he knows that he's found his muse. 

So he goes again the next night, and the night after that, his mind filled with sunlight and portraits of Apollo, just to see Enjolras again because he's infatuated already and the man's never even spoken to him. It's almost like Enjolras ignores him but that thought sort of hurts him so R pushes it away. He fantasises about kissing those flawless lips and whether Enjolras' hair would feel, as well as looks like sunshine when he wraps his fingers in it.

Then he starts to actually listen to what Enjolras is saying and, yes his voice is like sunlight, but the stuff that comes out of that perfect mouth is just gold-plated, optimistic crap. R's brain pulls up rebuttal after rebuttal, point after point and embellishes it with pretentious quote and clear evidence (his friends joke about how R doesn't care about anything but he does love to stuff his head full of knowledge, even if he doesn't believe in it). Of course, R never says any of this: just makes cynical comments and laughs when Enjolras gets to the point of naïve. But for some reason Enjolras never kicks him out, no matter how arguments R starts just to see that beautiful blazing anger which inspires could inspire a gallery - no, a whole museum of fiery paintings. Enjolras only gives R a disappointed frown and a few words which effectively shut him up. R assumes that Enjolras cares so little about him that he can't be bothered to kick him out, but instead tolerates the annoyance. 

And R is eternally grateful that Enjolras doesn't kick him out if the meetings because some days his friends in the Musain are the only thing that keep him going. Days when his mind is filled with the dark fog of depression, making him almost incapable of getting up in the morning. And he knows that he must be terrible on those days, the others circle awkwardly around him and Enjolras frowns at him more than usual but he can't bring himself to smile or act like everything's okay. He's tired on those days and he needs to drink to find the energy to walk home because he feels drained. 

His friends help him. Jehan's poetry, Bahorel's arm wrestles, Courfeyrac bursting into a passionate song all make him smile enough to get through his bad days. So in return he tries to be a good friend, at least on the better days. He's always the one who takes the spider out because everyone else is terrified of them and he always remembers birthdays and paints them something for it. He thinks that it isn't enough and barely pays back what they all do for him but it's the best R can do. 

But Enjolras isn't his friend, he knows that. He wouldn't presume to call Enjolras his friend - Enjolras is Apollo, he's light and sun and something More than human. R is his friend in the same way a sinner is a friend of The Lord, distant and hoping that God spares him a thought. As a cynic, R knows that God never does. And R, the man who never believed in anything, believes in Enjolras. 

The thought is so cheesy, it makes him physically cringe. For a moment he's irrationally terrified that he said it out loud but of course he didn't. But R's drunken brain fixates on the thought that someone might have heard him, spinning round and round. No one did but he can't help but wonder. 

As a joke he says the words clearly in his brain, "If you’re a mind reader, cough right now."

There's a pause, long enough for R to start to laugh at himself - how ridiculous is it to think that someone could hear his thoughts. It's impossible, childish even. Laughing silently at himself he leans on the bar and takes another swig of wine. God, he really is an idiot sometimes.

Then Enjolras looks up at R from the table where he sits with Courfeyrac and Combeferre, planning something noble, no doubt. Apollo himself stares Grantaire in the eyes, tilting his head slightly like he's thinking about something. R is frozen, like one of the statues he always compares Enjolras too. Enjolras deliberately and loudly coughs, not breaking eye contact. 

Seconds later R is out of the door, fleeing from the Musain in a panic.

**Author's Note:**

> So if people like this I'll write the next bit or it from Enjolras' perspective. Or both.  
> To encourage me please leave comments and kudos so I know that it's liked and will feel inspired to write more. And to inflate me ego, that too.


End file.
